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I finally figured out the secret to a clean house

Lock the husband and kids out. Maybe all of us can go live somewhere else and just sleep on the beds.

I think that’s the only way I’ll keep my house clean for now…

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Rules of my home

No matter how old you are or who you are, nobody is to lick the cat

There will be no throwing of chairs or any other objects at the cat

The cat is to be pet on demand and fed every time someone goes into the kitchen. The cat food is FOR the cat, it is not meant for human consumption.

No licking windows

No licking walls

No licking anything

These are the rules for all whom enter my home, no exceptions- even the tiny people who live here.

I never thought I would have those rules until I had kids… I never even thought I would have to say “dont lick the cat.”

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When I lost you

When I lost you, not only did I lose getting to know a person. I also lost hopes and dreams for the future. I lost everything I drempt you would be and every potential achievement you could have made. I lost a tiny hand in my hand and a chance to be your mommy.

I lost seeing you smile, hearing you talk, hearing you laugh and picking you up when you fell.

I always wonder if you would be more like your daddy or me. Would you look like a mix of both of us or favor one more?

Would you be an artist, athlete or studious? Would you prefer cats or dogs?

Would you be girly like your sisters or the tomboy of the group? What would your favorite flower be? Favorite color?

What would your personality be like? Would you love or hate school?

When I lost you I have so many questions I will never know the answer to and I will never get to experience.

When you died, so did those hopes and dreams for the future. Your future. My future as your mommy and our future as a family

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I’ve been cheated

I’ve been cheated out of knowing a little person.

Cheated out of seeing that little person grow.

Cheated out of watching that first step, hearing those first words or the first “mommy.”

I never got to celebrate those milestones, first birthday or any birthday.

Never got to dry her eyes after she cried.

Never got to look into those eyes and hear “I love you mommy”

Never will get to teach her how to drive.

Never will see her first day at school.

Never will comfort her first heartbreak.

Never will send her off to college.

No mothers day gifts from her.

Or cards.

Or hugs.

Will this ever get easier? It’s been five years without her. Will this pain go away? We would be signing her up for kindergarten. She would be in preschool. This year is hitting me harder. It’s a milestone and I’m still not ready to say goodbye.

I’m a member of a club. I never signed up for. I want out. I want my membership revoked. I want my cassie back. I want this family whole.

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In 2 days I will have a 7 year old

I never believed when people said time flies by, but my tiny little doll sized baby will soon be 7. She’s reading, telling time and knows the days of the week. She knows which therapies she has on what days and reminds us on a regular basis.

I don’t know how her future will look, it’s 50/50, but she is already showing herself to be more intelligent than people give her credit. She’s kind, sweet, goofy and loving and I’m so lucky to call her my daughter.

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You Know You’re A Parent When…

You and your husband are the only ones awake and you announce you need to potty.

You put the kids in bed hours ago but Disney/Nick Jr is still playing in the background

You have rules such as- 1. No licking the cat. 2. No licking the door. 3. No licking your sister and 4. No throwing objects at the cat.

You know the pain of stepping on a Shopkinz toy (hurts worse than a Lego)

You have to buy a new vacuum almost annually due to overuse.

Your shampooer is constantly out and running.

You have random stains in your mattress, mattress pad, couch and chairs- you’re not sure what they are but you know it’s food.

 

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Day 1- 21 Days of Happiness Challenge

Your task today is to start a gratitude journal.

You don’t have to have an actual, physical journal to start (although we all love a good excuse to pick up a fresh, empty notebook, don’t we?). It can be public or private, typed up or written down. You can use sticky notes and create an entire wall of things to be thankful for, or even share your thoughts on Facebook and encourage your friends to join you in the Happiness Challenge.

However you choose to participate, begin by writing down three things you are thankful for. 

  • Be as specific as possible,
  • don’t list the same thing twice,
  • and try not to take yourself too seriously!

And of course, if you enjoy and find benefit in this or any task from the challenge, consider choosing that as an ongoing habit in your life.

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1. I am thankful for my two beautiful daughters and my angel. I’m thankful I get to wake up to those two cute little faces and that I’m getting to watch them go from babies through their lives to developing their own interests, talents and personalities.

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2. I couldn’t be half the person I am right now without my husband. When I’m feeling too tired or am in too much pain, he’s pulling my half of the weight- and not complaining (much lol)

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3. My parents- They also help so much, especially while I’m getting stabilized on my thyroid meds and am working towards gaining as much of my health back. My mom is also a great person to go to when I need a reality check and she reads up on so much and helps. She also is taken seriously by specialists and teachers- which I’m still, I guess, too young looking to have happen. If I take her with me, they take me more seriously and will talk more than when I’m alone.