Since I’ll have a full week off, I have decided that the month of June I am going to try to do one post a day and come up with either 1 post or one article to submit to a magazine or blog every day through June.
Coming up with ideas shouldn’t be too difficult.
I have 11 more days in this month and I’ll be brainstorming topics (privately) and I’ll try to come up with 30 varied posts.
Lock the husband and kids out. Maybe all of us can go live somewhere else and just sleep on the beds.
I think that’s the only way I’ll keep my house clean for now…
No matter how old you are or who you are, nobody is to lick the cat
There will be no throwing of chairs or any other objects at the cat
The cat is to be pet on demand and fed every time someone goes into the kitchen. The cat food is FOR the cat, it is not meant for human consumption.
No licking windows
No licking walls
No licking anything
These are the rules for all whom enter my home, no exceptions- even the tiny people who live here.
I never thought I would have those rules until I had kids… I never even thought I would have to say “dont lick the cat.”
My quit date (for myself and not to deal with the smoking ban) is next month.
To take my mind off cigarettes, I
Swept upstairs and the stairs
Vacuumed and shampooed all carpet
Cleaned the litter box (due to allergies, I typically leave it to my husband)
Cleaned the stove and burners
Cleaned my coffee pot
Made roll dough for pepperoni rolls soon
Bought and planted a couple flowers with the kids
Made a much more detailed dinner than I usually do
Now, I’m resting and wiped out but it did keep cigarettes off my mind and I didnt even crave. All those chores are nothing, but I usually dont do that much in one day. I figure if I can cut back enough, I should have no issues going cold Turkey.
I am working on compiling a list of things to do instead-
Sew something
Loom knit something
A few minutes of meditation
Deep breathing
Play in the kitchen
Clean something
Organize something
Write a blog entry or work on one of my short stories
What else could I add?
When I lost you, not only did I lose getting to know a person. I also lost hopes and dreams for the future. I lost everything I drempt you would be and every potential achievement you could have made. I lost a tiny hand in my hand and a chance to be your mommy.
I lost seeing you smile, hearing you talk, hearing you laugh and picking you up when you fell.
I always wonder if you would be more like your daddy or me. Would you look like a mix of both of us or favor one more?
Would you be an artist, athlete or studious? Would you prefer cats or dogs?
Would you be girly like your sisters or the tomboy of the group? What would your favorite flower be? Favorite color?
What would your personality be like? Would you love or hate school?
When I lost you I have so many questions I will never know the answer to and I will never get to experience.
When you died, so did those hopes and dreams for the future. Your future. My future as your mommy and our future as a family
I’ve been cheated out of knowing a little person.
Cheated out of seeing that little person grow.
Cheated out of watching that first step, hearing those first words or the first “mommy.”
I never got to celebrate those milestones, first birthday or any birthday.
Never got to dry her eyes after she cried.
Never got to look into those eyes and hear “I love you mommy”
Never will get to teach her how to drive.
Never will see her first day at school.
Never will comfort her first heartbreak.
Never will send her off to college.
No mothers day gifts from her.
Or cards.
Or hugs.
Will this ever get easier? It’s been five years without her. Will this pain go away? We would be signing her up for kindergarten. She would be in preschool. This year is hitting me harder. It’s a milestone and I’m still not ready to say goodbye.
I’m a member of a club. I never signed up for. I want out. I want my membership revoked. I want my cassie back. I want this family whole.
With the date being less than a month away, I’m trying to clean out and gather everything we don’t use, our kids have outgrown or that aren’t useful to us.
Today, I went in my craft room after my husband did a preliminary clean out and had two bags- 1 for trash and one to sell. The sell bag has one or two items but I cleared out two bags of trash- now I’m basically seeing I’m disorganized, not piling up. I have a bunch of stuff I would actually use- IF I could find it when I had the time.
I also went through our book room. I still have the stuff off the shelves to go through, but I have 1 bag of torn up books, used colouring books and other trash and a full box of books to put in the sale. We also almost all got new shoes (my seven year old didn’t need nor want new shoes- the two year old needed them, so did me and my husband)
Now, I have a bunch of shoes to throw out, none to sell since they were all old and worn but a neatened up shoe storage rack.
The rest of my house will be gone through in the next few weeks.
I swear, I don’t know where to go next.
