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How I met my husband (almost 8 years ago)

I was out with two of my friends one night doing Karaoke at a local bar. Two of us went outside and were walking down the street. I saw an attractive guy with long hair walking down the street who was wearing an As I Lay Dying jacket. I had recently bought one of their CDs and found I really liked their music (I used to buy music based on cover design and found a lot of bands I liked from doing that). I had a decent buzz going on so I yelled across the street “Hey! I like your jacket” and my friend noticed he didn’t turn around- she yelled “Hey, dude or chick- she likes your jacket”  and we walked on.

The guy saw me (I didn’t see, he later told me) and turned around, walked back to the bar I was in to “see if he could bum a cigarette.”

While I was back in the bar, I glanced out and saw him outside so I excused myself and went outside. We started talking and hit it off immediately. He was only 19 so he couldn’t go in the bar (I had just turned 22) so I stayed outside talking to him.

My friends and I left and we invited him to go out and get a hotel with us and he accepted. I figured it would be a one night stand but I gave him my number (didn’t give my number to guys back then) and he called me. We talked on Mysoace all night the next night and he walked from his house to my work the day after that. We both were living with our parents (I was still detoxing and working on getting clean and he was just a teen) but we wanted to be together so we started staying with friends for a while.

One night, we were discussing the concept of marriage and he proposed- it was only 2 1/2 weeks in but something told me to say yes. We were accused of mocking marriage and all that but my parents accepted it, at least. 2 1/2 months later, we were staying with his parents while he was trying to find a job and we were looking for a decent apartment. We decided to elope shortly after so we headed to the courthouse with a friend and applied. We told his parents (who tried to talk him out of it) and my parents who just wanted to be there to see their only daughter get married so we arranged the time with them and they met us at the courthouse. His friend’s car broke down on the way so we had to walk (in the August heat) and ended up being an hour late. We lucked out that my parents were witnesses they were able to stall the judge so we didn’t lose our place.

We were married on August 5, 2010. About a month later, we finally found an apartment and were able to quit staying with people and move in to the house we lived in until last year.

Our story may make me look bad but I’m 30 now, I quit drinking (when we met I did have a drinking problem) and he was never a drinker- it helped that he couldn’t join me at bars for 1 year. I actually haven’t been to a bar outside of watching a couple concerts since that night.

Like I said, I’m 30 now, he’s 27, we’ve had 3 kids, we both have been back to school and neither of us are impulsive like we used to be. We have outlasted a lot of couples we know who actually waited years to marry. My husband and I both were young and impulsive but we both were raised by couples who were on their first marriages, had been married for a long time and we both went into the marriage knowing it wasn’t easy. We knew it was the most serious commitment, you can’t just walk away and it would take a lot of work.

It wasn’t, isn’t and won’t be an easy ride- but so far, eight years in, neither of us have any regrets.We have been through so much together and it has made us stronger.

I always held the belief that when you meet someone, you will know. It won’t take years to decide and if you have been together years with no interest in marrying that one person (unless you’re just not interested in marriage), there is a reason something is holding you back. I don’t believe people should rush in (it worked for us, but doesn’t work for everyone) but I also don’t believe you should date for years then just get married “just because” or because it “is the right thing to do.” Love is an emotion and shouldn’t be something you have to justify (I also am one of the people who will tell a woman who’s on the fence about having kids to wait since it’s a lifetime commitment)

If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. Love isn’t’ logical and if you’re looking for logic it will fail. I personally only believe in divorce in cases of the three As- abuse, addiction and adultery. Same with my husband. There are things that should be discussed beforehand- religious beliefs, kids, how many kids you want, how soon you want them, jobs/goals for career or education and any other major life choices.

Personally, I love that we got married young. I spend almost all of my 20s with him and in 2 years, he will have spent all of his 20s with me. We both have changed a lot and it’s like we’ve grown together, but as we’ve gotten older we’ve gown more similar so that has helped us. We also didn’t go in thinking it would all be fun and games, or temporary. Neither of us are traditional, but we hold those traditional beliefs about marriage.

 

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