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This coming June I’m taking my first ever paid vacation from work

Since I’ll have a full week off, I have decided that the month of June I am going to try to do one post a day and come up with either 1 post or one article to submit to a magazine or blog every day through June.

Coming up with ideas shouldn’t be too difficult.

I have 11 more days in this month and I’ll be brainstorming topics (privately) and I’ll try to come up with 30 varied posts.

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I finally figured out the secret to a clean house

Lock the husband and kids out. Maybe all of us can go live somewhere else and just sleep on the beds.

I think that’s the only way I’ll keep my house clean for now…

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Rules of my home

No matter how old you are or who you are, nobody is to lick the cat

There will be no throwing of chairs or any other objects at the cat

The cat is to be pet on demand and fed every time someone goes into the kitchen. The cat food is FOR the cat, it is not meant for human consumption.

No licking windows

No licking walls

No licking anything

These are the rules for all whom enter my home, no exceptions- even the tiny people who live here.

I never thought I would have those rules until I had kids… I never even thought I would have to say “dont lick the cat.”

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When I lost you

When I lost you, not only did I lose getting to know a person. I also lost hopes and dreams for the future. I lost everything I drempt you would be and every potential achievement you could have made. I lost a tiny hand in my hand and a chance to be your mommy.

I lost seeing you smile, hearing you talk, hearing you laugh and picking you up when you fell.

I always wonder if you would be more like your daddy or me. Would you look like a mix of both of us or favor one more?

Would you be an artist, athlete or studious? Would you prefer cats or dogs?

Would you be girly like your sisters or the tomboy of the group? What would your favorite flower be? Favorite color?

What would your personality be like? Would you love or hate school?

When I lost you I have so many questions I will never know the answer to and I will never get to experience.

When you died, so did those hopes and dreams for the future. Your future. My future as your mommy and our future as a family

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How I met my husband (almost 8 years ago)

I was out with two of my friends one night doing Karaoke at a local bar. Two of us went outside and were walking down the street. I saw an attractive guy with long hair walking down the street who was wearing an As I Lay Dying jacket. I had recently bought one of their CDs and found I really liked their music (I used to buy music based on cover design and found a lot of bands I liked from doing that). I had a decent buzz going on so I yelled across the street “Hey! I like your jacket” and my friend noticed he didn’t turn around- she yelled “Hey, dude or chick- she likes your jacket”  and we walked on.

The guy saw me (I didn’t see, he later told me) and turned around, walked back to the bar I was in to “see if he could bum a cigarette.”

While I was back in the bar, I glanced out and saw him outside so I excused myself and went outside. We started talking and hit it off immediately. He was only 19 so he couldn’t go in the bar (I had just turned 22) so I stayed outside talking to him.

My friends and I left and we invited him to go out and get a hotel with us and he accepted. I figured it would be a one night stand but I gave him my number (didn’t give my number to guys back then) and he called me. We talked on Mysoace all night the next night and he walked from his house to my work the day after that. We both were living with our parents (I was still detoxing and working on getting clean and he was just a teen) but we wanted to be together so we started staying with friends for a while.

One night, we were discussing the concept of marriage and he proposed- it was only 2 1/2 weeks in but something told me to say yes. We were accused of mocking marriage and all that but my parents accepted it, at least. 2 1/2 months later, we were staying with his parents while he was trying to find a job and we were looking for a decent apartment. We decided to elope shortly after so we headed to the courthouse with a friend and applied. We told his parents (who tried to talk him out of it) and my parents who just wanted to be there to see their only daughter get married so we arranged the time with them and they met us at the courthouse. His friend’s car broke down on the way so we had to walk (in the August heat) and ended up being an hour late. We lucked out that my parents were witnesses they were able to stall the judge so we didn’t lose our place.

We were married on August 5, 2010. About a month later, we finally found an apartment and were able to quit staying with people and move in to the house we lived in until last year.

Our story may make me look bad but I’m 30 now, I quit drinking (when we met I did have a drinking problem) and he was never a drinker- it helped that he couldn’t join me at bars for 1 year. I actually haven’t been to a bar outside of watching a couple concerts since that night.

Like I said, I’m 30 now, he’s 27, we’ve had 3 kids, we both have been back to school and neither of us are impulsive like we used to be. We have outlasted a lot of couples we know who actually waited years to marry. My husband and I both were young and impulsive but we both were raised by couples who were on their first marriages, had been married for a long time and we both went into the marriage knowing it wasn’t easy. We knew it was the most serious commitment, you can’t just walk away and it would take a lot of work.

It wasn’t, isn’t and won’t be an easy ride- but so far, eight years in, neither of us have any regrets.We have been through so much together and it has made us stronger.

I always held the belief that when you meet someone, you will know. It won’t take years to decide and if you have been together years with no interest in marrying that one person (unless you’re just not interested in marriage), there is a reason something is holding you back. I don’t believe people should rush in (it worked for us, but doesn’t work for everyone) but I also don’t believe you should date for years then just get married “just because” or because it “is the right thing to do.” Love is an emotion and shouldn’t be something you have to justify (I also am one of the people who will tell a woman who’s on the fence about having kids to wait since it’s a lifetime commitment)

If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. Love isn’t’ logical and if you’re looking for logic it will fail. I personally only believe in divorce in cases of the three As- abuse, addiction and adultery. Same with my husband. There are things that should be discussed beforehand- religious beliefs, kids, how many kids you want, how soon you want them, jobs/goals for career or education and any other major life choices.

Personally, I love that we got married young. I spend almost all of my 20s with him and in 2 years, he will have spent all of his 20s with me. We both have changed a lot and it’s like we’ve grown together, but as we’ve gotten older we’ve gown more similar so that has helped us. We also didn’t go in thinking it would all be fun and games, or temporary. Neither of us are traditional, but we hold those traditional beliefs about marriage.

 

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How do you find your true passion?

From the time I was 7 until I was 18, I wanted to be a professional vocalist. I didn’t even care about the genre- I wanted to sing. I have been classicly trained. I have also taken dance and I’m trained in acting. After I hit 18 (and started smoking), I realized I just wasn’t being realistic. I knew back then I needed to get an education in something practical, but what seems practical also seems like something that would burn me out quickly.

When I was a young child I was told I started singing before I even spoke. My whole world revolved around music and basketball. I always had my Walkman in, was in chorus in elementary school and even took vocal classes. I also tried “strings” (violin) but was told I had musical dyslexia (I read the music backwards). I also didn’t get along with my instructor very well. I tried out for all school plays and won one of the lead roles in fourth grade. Unfortunately, I had to share the role with another student and she got the solo I wanted, but I got a duet so I did get to sing. I did all talent shows I had a chance to do and was always singing for family and classmates. I also played the drums in the school band in sixth grade but gave that up as well. I still loved doing it, just wasn’t a fan of the other people in the group. My senior year of high school, I went on stage at the talent show and forgot the words. I literally walked off stage (they thought I was doing a comedy thing and had no idea it was actually the most humiliating moment of my life). After that, I started having problems performing. I would blank when I saw the crowd and quit even singing around other people. At the end of my senior year, my classmates voted me “best entertainer” and “most likely to be a teen idol.” I was also pretty well known, even though I didn’t have many friends.

For a good part of my life, I also wanted to work in the fashion industry. I wanted to model but stopped growing and was only 5’5” but was also too fat to be able to get into it. I read a lot of fashion magazines and dreamt about writing for them- I thought being a writer for Vogue would be a dream. I was interested in design but my cousin went into interior design and couldn’t find a job. I thought fashion design seemed like fun as well but can’t draw. I always had in the back of my mind how much I love writing and was constantly praised on it. In high school, I wrote for the paper and everyone who knew me would search out my articles. More than a few said they expected to see my name as one of the writers in the paper. I also wrote for the literary magazine in high school and the newspaper in college. I loved being involved in those publications but I knew, realistically, someone like me would be a longshot and likely fail so I gave those dreams up before I let them play out in my head. One of my favorite pass times as a child (and teen/adult) was walking around on Sundays and walking in open houses. I collected house papers and wanted to work as a real estate agent.

I was given a Little Tykes basketball hoop when I was three years old. It moved up to a normal hoop in our driveway as I got older. I played daily at home and would play at church with the middle, high school and college age guys. I hated if they gave me an easy time because I was a younger female. Luckily for me, most didn’t. I got to the point I would shoot one hundred shots a day- and I’d count the number I made so I could figure my accuracy (I got up to a 95-99% accuracy by high school) but I never played at school. I did play for the YMCA for several seasons, I also played soccer, baseball, tee-ball and I dd try out for the tennis team in middle school. I had exercise induced asthma that wasn’t caught, so my teachers always thought I was lazy when I’d quit running laps. For years, I wanted to be the “first woman in the NBA.” When I learned about the WNBA, I watched a bit but slowly lost interest. I never liked playing with other women, it didn’t challenge me as well as I wanted it to and I was afraid of hurting someone. By middle school, when I started meeting women I wasn’t afraid of hurting, I had lost interest in playing on a school team even though a lot of the other parents at my mom and dad’s church thought I’d be capable of getting a scholarship to college.

In high school, I took theater and was in the theater program the whole time they had it (unfortunately, it was during my senior year when they started). Once again, I absolutely loved going to the rehearsals, practicing and then performing. I didn’t have a lead role but I really acted out the scenes I did have. Back in high school, I did everything I could to make people laugh- even if it was at me and not with me.

When I was in high school, we had to choose majors. I chose business, although I wanted to choose writing. While I was studying the business classes, I loved the idea of working for yourself. I even enjoyed my accounting courses. I got the chance to go to a free enterprise camp where they chose the “most promising” male and female business students. I got a full scholarship to the camp and the teachers pooled together and gave me spending money for the canteen. I fell in love with the camp. At the camp, we were put in small groups and ran through the stages of starting up businesses. I always chose to create the advertisements since at the time I was interested in the marketing aspect of business. I went to college the year I graduated and started my major in communications with an interest in broadcast journalism. The main communications 101 class I took was deliberately held at 8am. It was the only option and we had to have the class to progress in the major. I ended up kicked out for literally leaning my head against the wall (I didn’t fall asleep but was accused of sleeping) so I had to choose a different major. I chose marketing. I ended up dropping after the second semester. I was able to get back in (was booted for a year on academic suspension) and they lifted financial aid suspension. I had everything set up two times to go back. One year I even had my schedule selected but both times financial aid fell through. Both times, I was torn between what I wanted to major in (writing) and what was realistic (something that would guarantee me a job at a hopefully livable income). I was constantly torn. I would decide to go back, then the next week I would already have a different major in my mind. Needless to say, it’s been ten years and I still haven’t gone back. I’m actually no closer to making my mind up since.

As a way to gain access to the fashion industry, I did go back to school (beauty school) and studied skin care/cosmetics. I wanted to vecome a make up artist and hopefully get a job behind the scenes one day (in the distant future) during one of the shows during fashion week. Fashion week is a dream for me. Either LA or NYC, I would love to get the opportunity to attend. My dream of being a model ended over a decade ago, close to two, but the dreams I had of either writing for a fashion magazine or working as a designer or artist never fully burned out. I know I’d be miserable as a model, but behind the scenes is a different story. The Devil Wears Prada is still one of my favorite movies and I would love to get my hands on a copy of the season of Running in Heels that made me a huge Marie Claire Magazine fan. Now, I’ve moved on to reading HGTV, parenting and BHG magazine (and similar). I’m more interested in reading lifestyle parenting blogs than I am fashion blogs and I still have several magazine subscriptions.

I’m hoping in the near future, I’ll be able to see one of my long time dreams come true. I have a finished rough draft of a fantasy novel. It’s 100 pages and I call it my baby. Thanks to procrastination, I have 3 or 4 short story drafts I’m currently working on. One is 11 pages, will be part of a seven part short story fantasy series, I have 2 rough drafts started for 2 other fantasy novels, 1 sci-fi graphic novel started (but I have no artistic abilities so I’m stuck) and there is a card game I designed to go with that. Confidence is a big issue for me. I am so close to finishing several works, but I’m terrified of failing. I have been doing things I know I’ll be rejected from as a way to get used to rejection (I submitted a tossed together article to a website.

I’ve had too many interests. I consider myself a jack of all trades (master of none). I will go through phases where I’m seriously interested in doing things, then I’d lose interest. Then, I would gain the interest again. I call myself a burn out since I’m always burning out. I’ve been working in retail for years, my current job, about 2. It’s my longest job by over a year now. I love my coworkers and I don’t mind what I do, the benefits are pretty good and it’s a reliable pay check but I always wanted to do something both professional and creative. I’m currently selling decorative pillows and I do online tarot reading and dream interpretation on the side.

My husband just graduated Friday. He started with an interest in computer repair, started a course then burned out. He later returned to a different school and just graduated the auto tech course. I envy him. He always had those two interests- cars and computers. He didn’t have a long list of things he loved then ruled out although he did start a four year, like I did, but he was studying radio broadcasting then lost interest.

I read a lot of blogs, articles and I keep reading to go into something you’re passionate about. How do you find something you’re truly passionate about? Something that won’t fade? I am 30 years old now and no closer to knowing what professional career I want than I was at 18. I have a bunch of things ruled out- but nothing to go on. I have to ask, how do you find that one thing you’re passionate about?