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Thinking About Some New Years Resolutions

Only 5 days left in 2018.

That means I only have 23 days until I’m 31.

3 weeks left until I have to say I’m “in my 30s” which was always a fear- no longer being in my 20s sounded like I’m officially a grown up- ignore the fact I’ve been married 8 years now and have one child close to 8 years old. I feel like leaving my 20s means I’m officially an adult.

I also only do new years resolutions I plan on keeping. My most memorable was made January 2, 2010- that I would get clean and sober and remain.

I did get back into drinking several times that year, but it was also the year I met my husband who didnt drink and being with him helped me to the point I quit over the years, now I react the same as an allergy and after I quit daily heavy drinking, I couldn’t handle even a sip without my whole body tensing up and being in bad pain in all my joints. Last summer, I had my very last drink- it took me a good 30 minutes to start breathing normal again and felt like my stomach was so bloated it hurt to breathe and my throat tightened up. Now I have a total excuse to reject drinks- to others and myself.

I have decided on a few changes I’m wanting to make over the course of the year.

Nothing sudden on January 1, but slow changes over time. Nothing as cliche as “lose weight” but I would like to drop from a 14 to an 8 over the next year and drop down about 20-30lbs to my first goal of 140-150.

Instead of saying “lose weight” my goals are to find and stick with a good workout routine, go back to meditating daily, drink more water, give up pop and everything I cant tolerate (starting with 1-2 months on Whole30)

Instead of saying “quit smoking” I’m going to say “find the method that works best so I can quit.”

I do need to keep in mind that since I’m getting older, my health does need to be my focus. I do need to stop eating what I eat, eat healthier and start taking better care of myself overall. Not just for myself but as an influence to my kids and to keep the Osteo from progressing. I have other goals, but they are long term and personal. These are the ones I’m sharing.

Do any of yall do resolutions? Instead of starting suddenly on January 1, anyone take them slower and try to maintain? I’d love to hear your thoughts about resolutions.

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EDS, post 30 can your body bounce back?

I know your metabolism takes a slight hit at 30, larger hit at 35 and every 5 years or so keeps shrinking. I’m still heavier than I was pre-kids and reality is hitting me. I knew I no longer had my pre-baby body, but will I be able to go back?

I accepted the fact that pregnancy made my hips more of a problem area than they already were. I only wore a larger size (11-13 in high school) for that reason, but had an hourglass figure. When I dropped to a 14, I tried on some 17s and couldn’t get them past my hips. That was when I read that juniors and adult sizes are made different (1,3,5, etc are juniors. 2,4,6, etc are adult). Juniors are made narrow in the hips where adult jeans are made wider in the hips.

I do know that with Ehlers Danlos, collagen is affected and where it makes your skin stretchy, it seems it may be harder to just bounce back. My scars fade but they still look strange when they heal. I don’t know much else about EDS but I do have an appointment, not only with a genetic specialist, but a specialist who lives with EDS herself. But that’s in a little bit. Right now, I’ve been researching trying to find foods that can help, workouts good enough to help lose weight and tone up but also safe for Osteo and loose joints and anything else that could help me with shrinking back down.

In the past 2 years, I’m down from 220 to about 170. I’m down from a size 20 to a size 14-16. I still have 40lbs left and hoping to get down to a 6ish or 8, maybe and I have 5 years in my mind to do it. If I can get down to my goal, fix what I need to fix diet wise and perfect my ingredient reading I should be able to maintain despite my Hashimotos. I’m seeing that even thyroid isn’t as much of an excuse as people use it. I dropped 20lbs in 4 months on a good dose of thyroid medication and cutting 1 ingredient out. I’m almost 1 month back to the normal (gluten free) lifestyle and finally feeling back to how I was feeling. I just had my thyroid levels tested again and they were perfect.

Right now, I’m trying to buy less processed foods. I have quit drinking Mello Yello (but I did switch to Diet coke for the time being), I’m eating 1 grain meal a day (if that) and the rest are cooked or salad. I do need to cut condiments and I still am drinking my Starbucks double shots (1 a day), I also started to notice my sugar drops when I eat potatoes so I’m switching to sweet potatoes.

The problem is when you have multiple diagnosis’s with several recomendations for diets. Where I have obvious issues with gluten, gluten free is needed (unless I want to spend all day cramping and in the bathroom), I had the diabetic low glycemic diet recommended to me for the reactive hypoglycemia. Cutting everything that was recommended to me feels restrictive. It also makes my OCD mind feel like I’ll be depriving myself and feels like it’s a black/white situation instead of- eat this way and you’ll feel great, eat that way and feel like crap.

I’m working on disassociating food with pleasure or anything related to emotions and trying to associate it with fueling my body and nothing more. Mindfulness helps that. Taking time to savor what I eat and pay attention to it is what I’m working on. Salad tastes great, so does fruit. Sugar and snacks that are heavily processed taste like chemicals but are an addiction- I’ve read all about sugar addiction and cold turkey is the way to go with kicking it. I’ve been thinking about trying a 1 month sugar free diet to try to break it. Just not sure if I have the will power currently. I will start it at the beginning of a month this year, though. Just have to build up and do further research into it to go in armed instead of half assing it.

In my picture, I was 18. I was constantly working out but didn’t know half of what I know now. I was also healthy.

I wasn’t skinny, but I was a good 30lbs smaller than I am now.

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I never thought I’d be the type to let myself go after a marriage and these past 2 years (last year and this year) I’m getting myself back.

I have been with my husband almost 8 years now. Before he and I met, when I was younger, it would take me over an hour just to leave my house. My hair, make up, clothes and everything had to be perfect. After we had our first baby, I had an extra 60lbs (went from 125 to 198 at the end of my first- complicated- pregnancy) and I started stress eating (before that, if I was stressed, I couldn’t eat). I managed to lose 10lbs down to 180 but stuck. I did workouts sporadically but the stress turned to fatigue and even laziness.

With my second pregnancy (the one we lost) my weight stayed the same after the baby was born and I was too depressed to really work on it.

By the time I had my third, I gained up to 220- higher than I ever weighed and was a size 18. This time, I was more active but my thyroid went into hyper due to the toxic cyst and I lost 30lbs in the first 6 weeks and another 20 recently. Now that I’m down to about 170 and a size 14/16 I’m gaining the motivation to continue.

After I had my first baby, I continued with my hair, make up and skin routine but over time, lost it.

In the past few months, I’m working on changing myself. I realized a while back I let myself go so now I’m working on undoing the damage before it becomes harder.

My daily skin routine now involves pre cleanse and cleansing, sometimes exfoliating (not every day- usually 3 times a week to every other day), spraying my face with either rose water or Dermalogica’s Multi-Active toner, moisturizer, then I’ll put on a mask 1-2 times a week. That’s my evening before bedtime routine. My morning routine is the same but after the moisturizer, I’ll put my make up on. That full routine can keep my eczema from acting up too bad. I have found that to keep it down, exfoliating and moisturizing is key.

I’ve studied skin care professionally (I’m a licensed skin therapist) so keeping my skin next to perfect is key. Luckily for me, when my eczema breaks out, it’s mostly still skin colored but the itching does me in. I still get compliments on my skin on a daily basis- I get rid of zits immediately, don’t have black heads and you would have to look at my skin under a magnifying glass to see my pores- my skin has been my pride and thanks to that, I still look as young as I did when I met my husband. I’m heavier now, but I’m also working on losing that (I did make it from 130 to 220, I’m back down to 170 and working on losing the last 40lbs if possible). I’m down 50lbs from 220 to 170 from two years ago (hit my peak weight at the very end of my last pregnancy- but there will be no more pregnancies so I can focus on losing the last bit)

I’m also looking at what types of workouts are best for people with Osteo arthritis and Ehler Danlos Syndrome to try to get my body toned back up.

I’ve been working on trying to get back to how I was in college. Back then, I was active and felt great. I also looked better. I’m not sure how to handle my thinning and really dry hair (the wrong shampoos grease my hair up and make it look wet, when it dries it dries like straw. It’s hard having greasy skin in that one area of my body but then having dry hair. The thyroid issues don’t help at all.)
The selected image is what I looked like in October. I’m hoping to get back to a slightly older version of what I looked like when I met my husband. I’m not trying to look like a teen again (or very young adult) since I’ll be 30 this week, I just want to be about the same size, weight and to feel good again.

The first picture was taken right before my husband and I met (same week)

The one with the hat was shortly after we got together, before I got pregnant and the third was our first Christmas with our new baby (she was 9 months old)

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One week left in 2017

I do resolutions yearly. It’s more of a list of things I’m wanting to do as a challenge to see if I can do them. I love trying to challenge myself on a daily basis. At work, I give myself private challenges, same with home. At times I’ll secretly compete with coworkers or at home I’ll even secretly compete with my husband. It all depends on what I am doing and how hard it seems to be- if it’s hard, a fun challenge makes it easier to do. I figure if I make larger lists, I’ll be more likely to find a way to succeed with some instead of failing at all. This list is what I’m hoping or needing to change over the course of the next year or so. I do know from experience that making things public does help me stick to it- more accountability.

Most of the time, I do fail to complete the resolutions but it’s still fun sitting down at the end of the year and making a list. I have a few I’m determined to actually do this year.

1. Reprogram my mind to think more positive. I am a realist so at times I come across as pessimistic but I also come across as highly optimistic at other times. I have been working through the past year on trying to distance myself from people in my life (in all areas) who complain a lot or just have a more negative vibe and it’s been working a bit.

2. Think less about the diagnosis’s and medical issues. I’m still in the coming to terms with not being fully healthy stage so it plagues my mind constantly but I found that pushing the thoughts about OCD to the back of my mind gives me longer times of not obsessing over something (I have been having issues with the OCD being an OCD obsession lately so not researching it and trying to think of other things has been helping me a tiny bit)

It may or may not work with the other medical conditions, since they’re all physical but it does help with the OCD. I have conditioned my body to function with the fatigue that comes with Hashimotos and I found the gluten free diet clears all my digestive issues up and makes the Osteo pain a tiny bit easier. My Osteo acts up but not always horrible, I found that really cold and warm weather both have no effect, it’s mostly moderately cold and wet weather. I am determined to find a way to slow it down. I know it’s progressive, but I’m still able bodied so I should be able to slow the progression down.

3. Find more easy for lunch and good dinner recipes to stick with the gluten free diet. I have been studying it for years, learning about it, following pages and blogs and saving recipes for a long time but for some reason, rice pasta became my go to for work lunches. I could toss it on the stove and forget about it for a bit but certain brands turn to mush no matter low low I set the heat or how long I cooked it.

4. Quit eating out at work. It ends up costing way more than I’d like to spend. I could take the money I waste on lunch and save for something different- something for the family or even treat myself to something. You also consume manmore calories with store bought or restaurant cooked meals than you do with making things from scratch.

5. Cooking and baking more often. When my 6 year old was younger, I stayed home. I was on Pintrest for new craft and recipe ideas constantly. I’m planning on returning to that since I have been working with 2 kids for 2 years now and am finally getting to the point of having a set routine that works. I’m able to spend quality time with my kids, work, eat, sleep, shower and do my hair and makeup and we don’t have a dirty house (it is a bit messy at times, but we do keep it clean). From the time my younger daughter and I wake up until I go to work, I have a schedule I just fell into- it’s not set in stone but it works and I get errands, doctor appointments and readings done in a decent time and since the holidays are over, everything is slowing down so I can focus more on the home making skills I developed from staying home for four years.

Those are five and along with those 5, staying gluten free without cheating or going back to a normal diet and quitting smoking are both listed.

I read that if a smoker quits by 30, they go almost to nonsmoker risk of dying from smoking related diseases but where I have OCD it turns into an extreme- “I have to quit by the minute I turn 30 or I’ll be doomed to die” and it will start to feel like I HAVE to do it, put tons of unnecessary pressure on me that I do not need and I know isn’t necessary and I’ll freeze and fail. Every time I quit, the OCD puts undue pressure by making me think in extremes. I know the problem, I know the cause and I have been working on trying to “rewire” my brain. I can think logically now, even when the OCD is kicking in, so now I’m working on easing the anxiety by facing whatever causes the anxiety in the first place. It’s always going to be there, it will always act up but the more I work on controlling it, the easier it is to differentiate between reality and the OCD.

I do have to wonder if other people with OCD have serious problems quitting smoking due to the OCD. How it affects me, it almost seems like it would be normal.

 

There is my list- put up publicly because, accountability. Do you do resolutions? If you have that tradition, do you fail or succeed typically?” Is it for fun or serious attempts at improving your life?