The number one piece of advice I would give anyone who hasn’t had kids yet

Men and women are pressured, maybe equally, maybe women a little more to have kids. Once college is over and a career is started, a common question seems to become “when are you getting married?” Soon after marriage, the question that seems to come is “when are you having kids?”

It’s a concern a lot of women seem to battle with, for no real reason. Now, we have the ability to choose- whether using birth control, morning after, adoption and even abortion- women have choices about when or if they become moms.

It’s not a choice to make lightly. Many people do not want to be a parent, others give in to pressure and later regret. In reality, becoming a parent is a lifelong responsibility. It extends beyond the time they leave. You will always worry, want to see them as often as possible and want to spend time with grand kids.

The early years involve a lot of late nights, potty training isn’t smooth, you will grow comfortable with every type of bodily fluid (although I still have to ask my husband to clean up if someone pukes most of the time- just the smell alone can make me join in). When I was pregnant, I had to have other people change poop diapers due to my extreme sensitive smell and how prone I was to queasiness. (once again, unless I wanted to puke)

You can deal with colic, temper tantrums over everything, there will be times they don’t want to eat anything and times they only eat one food for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks and you’ll deal with all types of bad but the good should outweigh the bad. You will feel a strong maternal bond, but not every woman feels it- even after kids. You will feel a strong love and bond and the good times will quickly outweigh the bad.

A lot of people try to justify the why behind why they want kids. To me, it sounds like they’re talking themselves into wanting instead of actually wanting to be a parent “just because.”

This is my opinion alone, I always wanted to be a mommy. I wanted to be a career mommy (career and kids) and I never had a reason. Over the years, I read a lot and all the reasons people gave for having kids sounded more like they were trying to convince people or themselves they wanted something they were unsure of.

After looking at the realities of having kids, the numbers of women living in regret, I never give advice without being asked but if I was asked, I would always tell someone if they have a reason or a list of reasons to hold off on having kids.

What are your thoughts?

2 responses to “The number one piece of advice I would give anyone who hasn’t had kids yet”

  1. This is a really interesting post. As a single woman who doesn’t have children, I’m often asked, “When are you going to get married/have kids?” and “Don’t you want to get married/have kids?” Sometimes, I get the strong sense that the person I’m talking to is making some kind of judgment.

    Regardless, I always answer the same way: “That isn’t the direction my life has taken, but I am very happy with the life I’m living. I’m open to changes in my life, but I’m not actively looking to make those kinds of changes.”

    I think it’s great that you took a balanced look at this topic. Thanks!

    • It is a balanced decision people need to weigh out. It’s not like a job you can quit, a car you buy during a mid life crisis you don’t need to keep or new items you can return- it’s a lifetime decision you cannot return nor go back on and every “reason” I have heard people use sound like justifications or like they’re trying to talk themselves into wanting to have kids. The happiest mothers I met never had a reason, they just always wanted kids.

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