This is going to be slightly different from the posts I have made in the past.
This is about how I found my spiritual path.
From as far back as i can remember, I have had some beliefs set in stone- karma/Dharma and reincarnation being two of the main.
I was raised in the church, in a strict Christian home. No other religions were mentioned and I just held the belief that all people walked the same path. I went to church 3 times a week, played basketball at night after class and followed along. When I outgrew Bible class and started sitting through the sermons, I would read chapters of the Bibles lying around. I tried asking questions about things I had trouble believing with blind faith and was labeled a trouble maker.
I attended 3 different church camps over the summer and almost always ended up befriending the “troubled” more misfit types. Some of my friends were lesbians, some were sexually active, some were atheist and some practiced witchcraft.
I almost got kicked out of the main camp a few times and only went to see my friends I only got to see that one week.
I wasn’t a “bad” kid in the least, I stayed out of trouble and didn’t get into anything like drugs, smoking (until I was 18 and I still regret it) and graduated high school having never even dated anyone. I just questioned everything. I questioned the concept of the Christian God. I questioned what I read in the Bible, how there was only one true religion when all world religions seemed to have deities for the same symbols. I questioned everything but no one would talk to me. I eventually quit.
When I was in middle school, I got into a religious conversation with a classmate who told me he was an atheist. I asked what that was and when he told me he didn’t believe, it made a few prices come together- not every one followed that same path and that may have been why I felt so wrong. I tried to look into it but was stopped since other religions were not allowed to be discussed outside of “it’s wrong” and started reading books in the library at school. In 9th grade, I moved to a very religious area and tried coming out as an atheist. At that time, I was into alternate spirituality and starting to be more into seances and similar. I had previously owned an Ouija board but my mom threw it out because I played with it more than other stuff. I started drawing them and folding paper into triangles to use as a planchette. I used to use it daily, then I’d toss it out and doodle more. I also started trying to contact spirits and studied being a medium. I actually started with an interest in spiritual communications, as I call it, at the age of 7. My friend and I went into an attic and I held my first seance. It was a success and freaked us out. I had to put off studying due to my upbringing but I did try from time to time over the course of my childhood.
While a lot of kids played games like “house? with their friends, I was taking my friends on ghost hunts. While a lot of teenagers were reading magazines, I was secretly in the library reading all the occult, spirituality and haunting books I could get my hands on.
After graduation, when I went to college, I started openly searching. I studied but at that time was out as an agnostic. I looked at Hinduism, but having to believe in deities didn’t sit with me. I still firmly believe all religions are equally valid, but the gods are nothing more than symbols. I do believe in the soul, spirits, demonic type and angelic type beings and the ability to communicate.
Of course, when you’re open about believing in those things but not going to church every Sunday, you get labeled with just about every term people can think of- from crazy to demonic to possessed to satanic (hard to worship a deity you don’t believe in)
In college, I started hanging out with some Pagans and started taking an interest, pair that with the ability to actually study the stuff and I was finally able to start seeking my path.
During college, I met a man I used to go to school with and we reconnected. It was a horrific relationship, but in that time I was gifted my first set of Tarot cards, taught about paranormal investigations, I started practicing different forms of scrying and practicing the craft. In that time, I also took an at home Astrology and Divination course. I was introduced to more of the Pagan community and several websites including Witchvox. I was also introduced to the local craft shop and fell in love with the atmosphere. The community seemed so much more welcoming and it felt like I had found people who thought like me and were accepting.
That was 10 years ago, since then we have broke up (luckily) but I have carried on practicing and trying to learn. I may not practice as much and as often as I’d like but I still read tarot (but a deck that chose me- the original deck I was gifted had nothign but negative energy and gave horrible readings- then one day just randomly disappeared and I didn’t try too hard to find it.
I had had a series of dreams that my first born would be a daughter (it was) and she always was named after the moon goddess. When I met my husband and we got pregnant, our first was a little girl, so like the dreams I named her after the goddess.
She was born on the last night of the full moon, 3 months early. She was born extremely prematurely and was extremely sick. Despite her rough start, she is a strong little six year old now and due to the situation, I have come to call on the moon goddess.
I’ll be posting more on spirituality as well in later posts. This is just how I came to discover the path I should be walking down. (I’m still searching, learning and changing but I think we all continously evolve over our lives, especially with how we practice. )
One response to “I never chose my spiritual path, it chose me.”