I was asked what I wanted.
All I could tell them was I wanted something I can play with, not a need and not clothing or something to use for my business. I want something just for me.
Now, I am at a total loss- no clue what I want.
My brain is going full speed but unless it’s like a book or something, I no longer can think of hobbies.
It’s kind of sad that at 31, I have no hobbies because I spend all my time working or writing and it’s making me realize how little I really have.
I work 24/7 unless I’m sleeping or running after my kids, I have lost damn near all my social skills and quit talking to my friends. My #1 identity is D####’s mommy” or “M#######’s mommy” and it feels like even with me taking time for myself and strongly believing in not losing yourself, I have lost myself.
Before kids, I was a gym rat. I had gym memberships and was actually taking a boxing class. Music was my life. I played basketball and walked all the time.
I’m still interested and keep promising myself I’ll start walking again but never get an opportunity.
Now that I’m out of the pregnancy and young baby stage, it is 100% time to get back to my center and find what works.
Its kind of funny when an innocent question like “what would you like for your birthday?” triggers such a mental storm, but it’s not a good thing when you’ve been lost for 8 years.
I’m sure any other coffee addict moms can answer. I think my record for reheating coffee was about 5 or 6 times- including 2 times without drinking any because I forgot to take it out of the microwave.
Once I left a cup of decaf in the microwave, forgot about it because we were so busy packing to move. We moved the microwave into our new apartment and the next day(2-3 days after leaving the coffee) I opened it and found the mug still intact and not a single drop spilled.
I’m becoming my mom. I grew up watching her constantly misplace her cup and now every day it feels like I have to search for it.
Lock the husband and kids out. Maybe all of us can go live somewhere else and just sleep on the beds.
I think that’s the only way I’ll keep my house clean for now…
“Hooray! Pat yourself on the back for starting your day with a morning meditation. We bet you’re feeling rested, rejuvenated, and ready to take on the rest of your day with increased energy, peace, and happiness.
If you haven’t done it yet, today’s action is to begin your day with this guided morning meditation. ”
Tomorrow I will start my day off with a meditation. It works out well due to promising my six year old we could do some Yoga tomorrow since she’s once again not in school.
The challenge from last night was to turn off my phone and all electronics an hour before I went to bed to relax before I went to sleep.
I made it about 30-40 minutes and fell asleep. I turned my phone off shortly after I posted the blog, decided to put my girl to bed (we still cosleep with the 6 year old- she’s special needs and has had a fear of sleeping alone ever since she fell out of her bed when she was 3, we had a baby gate up so she wouldn’t leave her bed and fall down the stairs and she couldn’t get to us so she’s been sleeping with us ever since. She has actual panic episodes when we try to get her in her own bed, so we’re waiting until she’s hopefully able to give it up herself- she even has her own room, bed, sheets, blanket, pillows and everything else in characters she has asked and she now spends most of the day in her room. We’re hoping we’re getting closer to her being able to give up our bed and move to hers since she loves her room so much)
When I put her to sleep, I was tired and worn out so I ended up falling asleep by 9:30. I woke up at 7:30 so it gave me a full 10 hours of sleep, which was nice. I have autoimmune issues, so even with that much sleep, I was still tired. I was more awake during the day and needed less caffeine than I usually do. I’ll post about trying the meditation with both of my girls tomorrow.