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My birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks.

I was asked what I wanted.

All I could tell them was I wanted something I can play with, not a need and not clothing or something to use for my business. I want something just for me.

Now, I am at a total loss- no clue what I want.

My brain is going full speed but unless it’s like a book or something, I no longer can think of hobbies.

It’s kind of sad that at 31, I have no hobbies because I spend all my time working or writing and it’s making me realize how little I really have.

I work 24/7 unless I’m sleeping or running after my kids, I have lost damn near all my social skills and quit talking to my friends. My #1 identity is D####’s mommy” or “M#######’s mommy” and it feels like even with me taking time for myself and strongly believing in not losing yourself, I have lost myself.

Before kids, I was a gym rat. I had gym memberships and was actually taking a boxing class. Music was my life. I played basketball and walked all the time.

I’m still interested and keep promising myself I’ll start walking again but never get an opportunity.

Now that I’m out of the pregnancy and young baby stage, it is 100% time to get back to my center and find what works.

Its kind of funny when an innocent question like “what would you like for your birthday?” triggers such a mental storm, but it’s not a good thing when you’ve been lost for 8 years.

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This month has definitely been crazy

I left my job of almost 3 years and went on to a lower hours/lower stress job.

I ended up starting the job earlier than I thought, and worked 7 days in a row, which wore me out that whole week (only 1 30 minute lunch break and standing in one spot on my feet for 8 hours a day, never knew that was so exhausting)

I am now to the slower schedule (1-2 days a week) and since I had the whole week without working, I looked at my NANO project. In the first 3 weeks of November, I managed to get a grand total of 10,500 words.

As of 1 PM today, November 30th, the final day of the challenge and after nights of going to bed around 1 am, I managed to squeak out 39k words, get 1 1/2 short stories finished and get a very large chunk of my main project.

I did the rebel thing, but one story pretty much ended the first day at less than 10k words, so I had to do something. Either way, between the two projects, it was my first time in 6 years that I won.

I’m making a personal challenge to myself to take all my unfinsihed rough drafts and finish them. Maybe not get them past the edit stage yet, but over the course of 2019, I’d like to see how many rough drafts I can complete. I have close to ten, if not more. I have 2 finished rough drafts and the rest are in varying stages. I just know I’ll never have the chance to publish if I don’t finish them.