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My birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks.

I was asked what I wanted.

All I could tell them was I wanted something I can play with, not a need and not clothing or something to use for my business. I want something just for me.

Now, I am at a total loss- no clue what I want.

My brain is going full speed but unless it’s like a book or something, I no longer can think of hobbies.

It’s kind of sad that at 31, I have no hobbies because I spend all my time working or writing and it’s making me realize how little I really have.

I work 24/7 unless I’m sleeping or running after my kids, I have lost damn near all my social skills and quit talking to my friends. My #1 identity is D####’s mommy” or “M#######’s mommy” and it feels like even with me taking time for myself and strongly believing in not losing yourself, I have lost myself.

Before kids, I was a gym rat. I had gym memberships and was actually taking a boxing class. Music was my life. I played basketball and walked all the time.

I’m still interested and keep promising myself I’ll start walking again but never get an opportunity.

Now that I’m out of the pregnancy and young baby stage, it is 100% time to get back to my center and find what works.

Its kind of funny when an innocent question like “what would you like for your birthday?” triggers such a mental storm, but it’s not a good thing when you’ve been lost for 8 years.

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Going Out To Eat Alone

I’m watching The New Adventures of Old Christine. It’s one of my favorite sitcoms. We’re watching the episode after Christine and Schaefer break up and everyone keeps treating her like she’s going to break down.

She had the day without her son, her brother had his girlfriend at their house so she went out to eat alone. Everyone acted like eating alone was the worst thing you could do. Maybe it’s because I’ve been married for 8 years and my oldest child is 7, but I do not mind eating alone. In fact, I find it enjoyable. I do enjoy going out with my family or with friends but there is something about sitting down and enjoying a meal alone. You don’t have anyone to rush you or on the flip, you can leave as fast as you want. You can look at your phone without being called rude and you don’t have to make small talk. Want to listen to music? You can. Want silence? You can have it. Maybe where I have to wait until everyone is in bed to have time to myself, but I am at the point I treasure alone time.